Sunday, December 20, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Loneliness.

...5 AM. Tuesday. Nothing left to say, nothing left to feel, nothing left to do. I'm frozen. And lonely. And disappointed. But mainly frozen. I take a look at the corner of the room. No one. I take a look behind me. No one. I take a look besides me. No one. I touch my cheeks. Frozen tears. I take a look at the corner of the room again. I can see it. It is right there. I can see it! It is with me! Right at the corner of the room. I can see it! It's looking at me, I'm looking at it right back. It is smiling. I smile right back. Frozen smile. Bitter smile. Unsmiley smile. But it is a smile, isn't it?!...It's looking at me..."Do you really have to be with me, forever?" - I asked it and tried to look into its eyes. Frozen eyes. "Do you really have to be with me, forever?" I heard someone saying. Was it me? No. It wasn't me. It asked me the same question. It didn't ignore me. It talked to me. It asked me a question, the same question I asked it. It needed an answer, of course. Even though I didn't get my answer I gave it its answer: "I don't know"...Silence. It didn't talk back to me. It didn't answer me. It ignored me...Even loneliness itself ignored me. Even loneliness itself left me all alone.