Friday, December 11, 2009
...5 AM. Tuesday. Nothing left to say, nothing left to feel, nothing left to do. I'm frozen. And lonely. And disappointed. But mainly frozen. I take a look at the corner of the room. No one. I take a look behind me. No one. I take a look besides me. No one. I touch my cheeks. Frozen tears. I take a look at the corner of the room again. I can see it. It is right there. I can see it! It is with me! Right at the corner of the room. I can see it! It's looking at me, I'm looking at it right back. It is smiling. I smile right back. Frozen smile. Bitter smile. Unsmiley smile. But it is a smile, isn't it?!...It's looking at me..."Do you really have to be with me, forever?" - I asked it and tried to look into its eyes. Frozen eyes. "Do you really have to be with me, forever?" I heard someone saying. Was it me? No. It wasn't me. It asked me the same question. It didn't ignore me. It talked to me. It asked me a question, the same question I asked it. It needed an answer, of course. Even though I didn't get my answer I gave it its answer: "I don't know"...Silence. It didn't talk back to me. It didn't answer me. It ignored me...Even loneliness itself ignored me. Even loneliness itself left me all alone.